Ending The Year With A Crack
by Wherever Girl
Summary: Who would have thought that one little mistake would lead to so much stupidity? Crack Fic!


**And now, to start off the New Year…**

 **A crack fic XD**

 **Disclaimer: *is blown up***

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

 _New Year's Day_

 _12:00 AM_

ATF walked into the police station with an ice-pack on his head; accompanying him were his long-time friends, Scoobycool9 and Mister Cartooon. "That's it, Anti. Just walk it off," Scoobycool9 sighed, patting his shoulder as they walked.

"I told you to just stay home this year," Mister Cartoon scolded. "…How many bars did you hit tonight?"

"Just three… as far as I can remember." ATF answered. "The rest is a blur… which reminds me, why are we coming here again?"

"Fanatic called us… so something tells me-" Mister Cartoon paused, looking ahead at the jail-cells.

Fanatic was sitting next to Hater79, both of them looking like they got out of a scuffle, and the evil robot was glaring at Dan, who was dressed as the Easter Bunny while sporting a black-eye and missing a bunny-ear with a torn bowtie; Tracker and FF2 were wearing 19th Century Gothic garb which was also muddied and torn and both looked out of breath as if they had been running; Puggsy, who was missing his pants, was sitting next to Swaine… who was missing everything but his boxers and an undershirt; and WG was wearing fluffy bunny pajamas, looking like a survivor of the zombie apocalypse.

Wondering what in the world happened, the others just gawked, just as the entire group in the jail-cell answered, "Shit happened,"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

 _5:00 PM (earlier)_

"Time for you to go to heaven- sugared and glazed!" FF2 was saying to a donut, before chowing down on it. He, Tracker, and Fanatic were sitting backstage of a Broadway Theater.

Why? Perhaps some character can lend us some background info.

"It sure was nice for the manager of this theater to let us put on a musical, in order to raise money for Security Authors, Season 3!" Fanatic exclaimed.

"…We're having a Season 3?" Tracker questioned.

"Yeah- it was a long-shot since we didn't have a budget for it until now," FF2 replied.

"Because we spent it all setting up for the movie?"

FF2 and Fanatic exchanged glances…

 _("You spent HOW MUCH on that Swagger action figure?!" FF2 demanded from Fanatic)_

"…Er, yes. T-The movie, yeah. That's it. Nothing else. *awkward cough*" Fanatic answered. "So, uh… how goes work on the show?"

"Well, we got all the tickets sold, everyone's memorized their lines… and as soon as WG gets here, we can-" FF2 began.

*BAM!*

"CANCEL THE SHOW!" WG cried as she came through the door. "You have to cancel the show! I've thought it over for the past five minutes and realize this was a horrible mistake! We HAVE to call it off!"

"Er… why?" Tracker asked, a bit concerned. "I thought we were all set for the show?"

"Well, we're not! Just give everyone a refund- we can auction off bachelors at a charity thing to raise the cash,"

"Oh c'mon, WG! We've got the set, some actors, a well-written script… what's the problem?" Fanatic questioned… then gave a deadpanned look. "Did someone replace our director with Michael Bay? We already overstocked on explosions! Any more dynamite and we won't have a budget left!"

"…budget nothing, we wouldn't have a stage left," Tracker scoffed.

"Honey, everyone's already rehearsed and we've got a full house booked, we can't go back now! What could be wrong with the musical?" FF2 asked.

"I wrote the music numbers!" WG cried, pulling her hat low over her head. "I went over the lyrics, realized they sucked, so we're going to have to pull out before the critics kill us dead!"

"(told you we should've hired Elton John)," Fanatic whispered. Tracker gave him a nudge.

"WG, your song lyrics aren't that bad!" Tracker assured her.

"And even if they are, we have great singers to make them sound awesome!" Fanatic tried to say- only to end up elbowed by Tracker. "Oof! …Dang, woman, lay off the wolf-strength, you nearly cracked my ribs!"

"You did great on the story! Why shouldn't the songs be good?" FF2 asked WG.

"Dude, stories is one thing, songs are another! We are going to die out there! Diiiieeee!" WG groaned, hugging her knees and rocking around now.

FF2 gripped her by the shoulders. "Hey. Listen to me. We've worked hard on this. You've worked hard on this. If some critic pans a song or two you wrote… he'll have ME to deal with!"

"And if an angry mob attacks, the only important thing is that we have a way of saving our budget!" Fanatic exclaimed.

"How would se save the budget if they don't like it?!" Tracker questioned.

"Simple. We have people pay us not to have WG write songs ever again."

"FANATIC!" FF2 shouted, while holding a pale-faced, startled WG. "YOU'RE NOT HELPING!"

"EXCUSE ME FOR BEING HONEST!"

"WHY DO I SUCK AT SONG-WRITING?!" WG wailed.

"STOP SCREAMING!" Tracker bellowed.

"Alright, everyone just CALM THE FLUFF DOWN!" FF2 shouted, making everyone silence their caps-locks.

*ring-a-ding-ding-bzz-beep* went a ringtone.

"I'm taking this!" Fanatic announced, answering his cell-phone. "Yeah, this is Fan, talk to me."

"Er, anyway…" FF2 stated, turning to WG. "Everything will be just fine, honey. Don't worry about it until after tonight,"

Fanatic hung up. "Or, earlier… The actors are all sick!"

"Sick?! How could they be sick all at once?!" Tracker demanded.

"Well they all went to the other side of the planet to celebrate New Year's Eve early, and apparently someone spiked the drinks with something heavy. Some of them are getting their stomachs pumped,"

"Holy snap, are you serious?!"

"…no. They just wanted to go out and party instead of starring in a lame musical."

"AAHHH!" WG moaned.

"Again, NOT HELPING!" FF2 snarled.

"Well, what're we supposed to do?! Act in the play ourselves?!" Tracker demanded.

FF2 grinned. "Exactly!"

"…what?" WG questioned, snapping out of her despair and instead looking confused.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

6 _:03 PM._

Meanwhile across the city, Puggsy was walking with Dan down the sidewalk. "Remind me why you're dragging me around the city, again?" Puggsy demanded.

"Because Chris is still in the hospital, your idiot friend isn't featured in this story, and I need a lackey to help me fulfill my revenge schemes! …plus, your mom said to keep me out of the house during my visit," Dan answered, matter-of-factly.

Puggsy groaned. "…of all my cousins to visit, it had to be this one…"

"Shut up, and dish out some cash! I need to buy supplies,"

Puggsy scoffed, crossing his arms. "Forget it! You still owe me 30 bucks from 1984! …And what kind of supplies are you needing for what kind of scheme?"

"I need to buy a flamethrower and a gallon of kerosene, to get back at that Mall Santa from last week!"

"Okay… One, you already went after a Mall Santa-"

"This one's different! He beat me up!"

"Which brings me to Two: You were the one who beat him over the head with a giant rubber Candy Cane just because he said 'Happy Holidays' instead of 'Merry Christmas'…"

"All representatives of Santa aren't supposed to give in to political correctness! Read your Bible!"

Puggsy ignored him. "Finally, even if you had a good reason-"

"I DO HAVE A GOOD REASON!"

"-a GOOD reason, using any kind of pyromaniacal arsenal would land you life in prison… if not send you to the electric chair,"

"Forget it! You're dead to me now," Dan stormed off. "And don't expect a card from me next year!"

"You never send me a card… or anything else,"

"Then don't expect that!"

Puggsy sighed, walking down to the subway to take a quick train back to his district, when he bumped into another passenger who was looking at a map. "Oof! Hey, watch it!"

"Pardon me for reading a map," grumbled the passenger, folding the map up and revealing himself to be Swaine.

"Swaine? What're you doing here? I thought you were helping out with the sequel to your game!"

"I'm on vacation… and trying to find my way to the hotel." He looked at the map with disdain. "And this map is useless,"

"Why not use your phone to find it?"

Swaine held up a touchscreen phone. "I tried… it took me downtown to the pier. Piece of shit,"

*crackle, zap!* The phone short-circuited and went dead.

Puggsy crossed his arms, grinning. "Well, lucky for you this happens to be MY home-town. I know these streets like the back of my hand, so I can take you there."

Swaine crossed his arms next, giving him a suspicious glance. "Yeah? What's the catch?"

"Nothing too big… just a hefty tip- and maybe some inside info about that sequel,"

Swaine groaned. "If I hadn't spent the last eight hours trudging around the city, lost my luggage on the plane, or had a fear of being attacked by fan-girls, I would tell you to fuck off. Just get me to my hotel, and you've got yourself a deal,"

"Great. Now what's the name of your hotel?"

"Holiday Inn, what else?"

"Cool. Right this way," Puggsy lead Swaine out of the subway.

Little did they know they wouldn't make it to the hotel that night…

"What did the narrator just say?!" Swaine demanded.

Uh, nothing! MOVING ON!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

 _6:30 PM, back at the theater_

"Okay, we've spent almost 2 hours rehearsing every line and song!" Tracker sighed as she and FF2 stood backstage. Fanatic was busy checking the lights, and WG… was pacing around like a nervous wreck. "I think we're ready,"

"…ready for the morgue," WG muttered.

"Oh, man up already, WG!" FF2 scoffed. "We just spent minutes of our lives in order to bring a musical YOU wrote to the stage!"

"Yeah, think of it as a chance for the world to see your writing talent- OUTSIDE of songs- and a step into your dream of a writer!" Fanatic exclaimed as he climbed a ladder up to the catwalk, pausing for dramatic effect. "Think about it: Broadway today- Book signings tomorrow!"

WG pondered this. "Well… this really isn't the best of my work… but if it'll get me an ounce of recognition, then bring on the critics! C'mon guys, let's give them a show they'll never forget!"

With a cheer, Tracker, FF2, and WG went out on the stage to perform their show…

 ***2 Hours Later***

"… **.** UNTIL… MY LAST… BREATH…~" FF2 was singing while holding WG as she was playing dead, Fanatic shining the spotlight on them while Tracker played a guitar.

The curtains closed and reopened as the cast took a bow. "Well, folks, it might not have been _Wicked,_ but we hope you enjoyed the show!" WG exclaimed.

The audience was so quiet you couldn't even hear them breathing.

"You guys suck!" someone shouted.

"BURN THE STAGE SO THEY CAN'T REPEAT THEIR MISTAKE!" another person shouted.

Within seconds, the audience took out pitch-forks, torches, and rotten vegetables of which they began to chuck, advancing towards the stage.

"Whoa, tough crowd!" Fanatic commented as he watched from up high. "I'd better get down there before we enter plot territory!"

*Clunk!* Hater dropped in front of him, holding a lead pipe. "Sorry, no admittance to THIS show," he commented.

Fanatic gave a deadpanned look. "Seriously? That was your introduction line?"

"Give me a break, I'm being used as a twist! It's hard to come up with lines on short- ah fuck it!" Hater lunged, and the fight was on!

Down below, the angry mob was beginning to corner the others. "Don't worry guys, we're all in this together, we can get through-" WG began.

"GET THE WRITER!" someone in the mob screamed.

"GAH! OUTTA MY WAY!" WG then fled through the exit, with the mob on her heels!

"Hang on, sweetie! We're coming!" FF2 exclaimed as he and Tracker, still in costume, ran after her.

Fanatic and Hater crashed onto the stage, strangling each other until one of the lights fell on Hater, zapping him. "Well this was fun, but I gotta run now! BYES!" Fanatic exclaimed then took off.

"FAN, I WILL END YOU!" Hater shouted, prying the light off his head.

"Go ahead, try and stop me- I'M CRAZY!"

"FANATIC-!"

"SCENE CHANGE, GO!" Fanatic then head-butted the screen-

*SMASH!*

0o0o0*tinkle dink clatter*o0o0

 _Around this same time…_

"I can't believe we've been walking around for over 2 hours, and you haven't found the hotel yet!" Swaine was complaining.

"Hey, it's a big city! It's going to take some time to get there!" Puggsy retorted. "…plus we would've been there by now if someone wasn't complaining about an empty stomach,"

"We're lost, aren't we?"

"We are NOT lost, we're-"

"AAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!" Came a scream as WG came running out of the theater, pursued by an angry mob of 1500 people.

Puggsy and Swaine blinked. "…was that Wherever Girl?" Swaine asked.

"Yes." Puggsy replied.

"Should we ask questions?"

"No."

Turning on their heels and heading down another street, they decided not to get involved.

Yet.

"He said something again!" Swaine exclaimed.

Er, MEANWHILE, right across the street from the theater, Dan was getting thrown out of [yet another] hardware store! He begrudgingly stood up, shaking his fist at the establishment. "YEAH?! WELL YOUR PRICES SUCK ANYWAY!" he shouted, scribbling the name of the store onto his list of things he despises, before storming off. "…and when did selling plutonium suddenly become 'illegal to sell'?"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Fanatic looked around the streets. "It's quiet…" he said suspiciously. "…outside of the honking of traffic, cursing, loud advertisements blaring on TVs in store windows and the voices of millions of people talking, I'd say it's TOO quiet…"

"Let's make some noise then!" Hater exclaimed, ambushing him with a katana!

"AUGH! When did you get the katana?!" Fanatic dove to the side avoiding the strike, taking out a light-saber. "Your sword is no match for THIS!"

"Hey, guess what? I HAVE ONE TOO!" Hater exclaimed, whipping out a red light-saber.

"What the-?! Where are you getting these weapons?!"

"Springtrap owed me a favor."

Fanatic gave a deadpanned look. "I'll be having a word with him about this later… No matter! I can still beat you! I actually know how to use mine!"

"True, but there's one thing I can still beat you at!"

"What's that?!"

Hater leaped into the air, preparing to strike. "See who can go longer without making a reference to Star Wars: The Force Awakens!"

Fanatic gasped, blocking his strike. "You dirty-! Argh! You know I can't resist!"

"Did you expect me to play fair?!"

"No, but I didn't expect a crack-fic to have any plotlines either!"

"Then lets hurry this up so we can get ready for the Security Authors movie!"

"Agreement!"

And so the boy and the evil robot battled with light-sabers in the crowded city streets during New Year's Eve…

0o0o0o0o0o0

Let's see how FF2 and Tracker are doing.

"I got her scent!" Tracker exclaimed, now in she-wolf form as she and FF2 ran down the street. "We should be closing in now!"

"I hope that angry mob didn't mess her up- I can only commit manslaughter so many times!" FF2 exclaimed.

They followed the scent into an alley…

…where they found her clothes lying in a pile.

"…Either she's spontaneously combusted, or we've got a serious problem," Tracker commented, a bit stunned.

"Let's ask that giant bunny where she is," FF2 said, walking down to the other end of an alley where a giant bunny, who had its back to them, was looking around the corner. "Excuse me, but have you've seen- WHEREVER GIRL?!"

Once the bunny had turned, FF2 saw it was in fact his girlfriend… wearing a fluffy bunny suit. "FF2! Oh thank goodness- summon your TARDIS so we can go back in time and undo this whole mess!" she exclaimed.

"Um, why are you in a bunny suit?" Tracker questioned.

"I had to change into a disguise- as well as ditch my clothes in case that mob was tracking my scent… maybe hope they would think I spontaneously combusted."

"But… why a bunny suit?"

"Hey, the shop didn't have a lot of options and I was in a hurry- it was either dress as a bunny, or pose as Kim Kardeshian!"

"…You made the right call."

"Well, let's go find Fanatic and get out of here then!" FF2 said.

"Wait, where IS he?!" Tracker gasped.

"Great Galfrey, we left him at the theater! He must be getting torn to shreds by now!" WG yelped.

"HEY! SOME TWIN-LIKE GUYS ARE BATTLING DOWN THE STREET WITH LIGHT-SABERS!" Some citizen shouted from two blocks away.

"WELL LET'S GO WATCH UNTIL SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING ABOUT IT!" Another citizen replied.

"…Or he's that way." WG put bluntly.

"C'mon! We'd better check it out!" FF2 said as they ran out into the street-

"THERE SHE IS!" came a shout as the angry mob came running after her.

"Do not succumb to her sudden bunny-fluffiness! GET HER!" another mob-member bellowed.

"Good grief, what happened to just writing reviews?!" WG sputtered, taking off once more.

FF2 and Tracker looked at each other. "I'll try to rescue WG, you make sure Fan's not dead!" Tracker exclaimed, racing off after the mob. "GET AWAY FROM MY UNBIOLOGICAL LITTLE SISTER, YOU PRICKS!"

FF2 sighed, looking at the stars. "Why can't we ever have a normal, quiet New Year's Eve?" he asked.

"Why are you asking us?!" The stars replied, making him blink in confusion.

Across the street, Puggsy and Swaine were at a cross-walk. "I'm telling you, this is the quickest way!" Puggsy was stating. "Just keep following my directifications, and we'll be at the Holiday Inn in no time!"

"…'no time' is taking longer than expected…" Swaine grumbled.

"Ah, shut up. Like I said, it's a big city, sometimes it takes a couple hours to get somewheres!"

"You know I'm starting to hate you more than my phone!"

They walked around the corner, reaching the hotel. "Ha! See? Told you I would get you here,"

Swaine rolled his eyes. "Next time I'd like to take the SHORT route,"

They entered the hotel…

…only to see a Cosplay convention was going on…

…and a bunch of girls that looked like they were hyped up on Nyquil and Redbull looked in their direction.

"OH EM GEE! IT'S SWAINE!" One of the fan-girls squealed.

"I WANT HIS JACKET!" Another cried.

"I WANT HIS SHIRT!" Another screamed.

"I WANT HIS BODY!" Another shouted.

"I want to check out!" Swaine cried, then turned and bolted out the door, pursued by squeeing fan-girls.

Puggsy blinked then looked up. "Whoops… this ain't the right place," he said, as he looked at the Ameristar's sign.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

 _9:45 PM_

Sam and Max, Freelance Police, were munching on snacks you'd find at local gas-stations as they cruised down the street. "Pass me more of those gummy sharks that taste like rubber and raspberries, would ya Max?" Sam requested.

"Ah, Vegas! Good Ol' Sin City! Such happy memories I've had here…" Max stated as he looked out at the city lights.

"We're in New York, chucklehead,"

There were sounds of panicked screams and crashing just then. "WHOA SAM! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!" Max shouted, pointing out the window. "Beyond that panicked crowd, flames, smoke and debris, I see… they're opening up a Stuckey's department store! Can we go in Sam? Huh? Can we?! PLEASE?!"

*CRASH!*

Fanatic landed on the hood of their car in a beaten state. But, since this is fan-fiction, he was still able to stay standing and lunged at Hater when he attacked again, both of them crossing sabers! "Stuckey's will have to wait, Max! It looks like we've got a Code B-1212!"

"Another Godzilla knock-off is wreaking Tokyo?"

"No- some numbskull just threw a random kid… and dented the hood of my car! (and I just had it waxed!)" Sam took out his gun. "C'mon, Max! Let's make them Swiss!"

"We're having them deported?"

"…Cheese, Max. Cheese."

"No thanks, I filled up on Hershey Bars and grape soda!"

"Just get your gun, idiot."

Fanatic and Hater had their sabers crossed, trying to force each other away. "Just… quote… the… movie!" Hater snarled. "You… know… you… want… to!"

"Never!" Fanatic grunted.

Hater shifted his other hand into that of a saw-blade, slicing at Fanatic and cutting his arm, making him stumble back and drop his light-saber, which rolled out of his reach. The robot then lunged, striking downward-

Fanatic scrambled to his feet and kicked upward, his foot hitting Hater's saber-handle and knocking the sword out of the wicked robot's grasp and into his own. He then slashed madly at the robot, before kicking him into the wall. "And that's for wearing sunglasses at night!" Fanatic exclaimed… then dropped the light-saber. "Meh, bored now."

*BLAM! BLAM! BANG! POW! OTHER GUNSHOT NOISE!*

"STOP YOU CAR-SMASHING HEATHENS!" Max shouted.

"COME OVER HERE, WE JUST WANT TO TALK!" Sam shouted… while he and Max continued to blast at them.

"Whoop, my damage here is done!" Fanatic then took off running, the Freelance Police in pursuit.

Dan walked past the unconscious Hater, carrying a box and chuckling to himself. "Christmas is coming twice this year- for me!" he chuckled to himself, walking into a costume shop…

…conveniently located close to a bar, where ATF was walking inside. "Time to start off the New Year the traditional way!" he exclaimed, walking in.

Puggsy came running down the sidewalk a minute later, out of breath. Mister Cartoon bumped into him. "Hey, have you've seen ATF anywhere?" he asked.

"No, have you've seen Swaine anywhere? …Tall guy, never combs his hair, looks homeless, is part of a popular JRPG?" Puggsy replied.

"Can't say I have,"

They continued on their searches, when Puggsy came across an alley… where the fan-girls were running out, yapping excitedly and giggling. He peeked into the alley. "Swaine…? If you're still alive, say so,"

"….so…" came a sarcastic reply, and Puggsy looked up, seeing that Swaine was hiding on a fire-escape…

…wearing nothing but boxers and an undershirt.

"Good Lord, man! What the jumping ignorpotomases did those girls do to you?!" Puggsy gasped as the thief climbed down.

"Let's just say, if five of them didn't start a war over one of my socks that caught the others' attentions, I'd have to file for molestation charges,"

"TMI!"

"Just… get me somewhere safe, before those hormonal demons come back!"

Puggsy nodded, then began to hail a taxi. "Yo! Taxi! …Geez, a dozen of them in a lane at a time, and none stop! HEY! CABBY! PULL OVER!"

Swaine groaned, leaning against the wall and rubbing his face.

By this point, ATF was stumbling out of the bar, slightly buzzed but still loopy, as he stopped and stared at the thief. "Huh. …I wonder how much I'd have to drink to see you WITHOUT the underwear…" he said with a sly smirk.

Swaine turned towards the curb. "TAXI!"he shouted at the top of his lungs.

A taxi pulled up and the door opened for them and they climbed in-

"HOLD THAT CAB!" came a shout as WG- still in bunny-garb- dove in and slammed the door shut. "Drive man, DRIVE!"

Once the cab sped off, Dan ran by… dressed as the Easter Bunny. He bumped into ATF, accidentally dropping what appeared to be a stick of dynamite and a lighter. "You didn't see anything!" Dan warned him, grabbing his supplies and running.

Dan took off, leaving a very confused ATF standing there. He looked at the wine-bottle in his hand. "…I knew this 'Cupcake' stuff was trouble," he sneered, tossing the bottle away and heading off to find another alcoholic establishment.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

 **10:24 PM**

FF2 met up with Tracker… both of them looking the worse for wear. "FF2?! What happened?" Tracker gasped.

"I went to find Fanatic… and suddenly there was an explosion, and the Easter Bunny came falling on top of me, pursued by an angry guy who I think was the mall Santa this year," FF2 answered. "What about you?"

"I was about to close in on the angry mob… but suddenly I got trampled by a bunch of rabid fan-girls." Tracker said, then held up one of Swaine's guns. "…Apparently, armed ones."

"Damn, this night's getting crazy!"

Fanatic then came running up. "Oh… there you guys are!" he exclaimed, out of breath. "Man… if this is what New Year's Eve is like… dang, who needs booze?!"

"Listen, we've got to find WG! She's still being mobbed!" Tracker stated.

"Great… so where is she?"

"FANATIC!" came an angry shout as Hater came running forth.

"Whoops, gotta go!" Fanatic took off running.

"GET BACK HERE!" Hater pursued.

"There they go, Max!" Sam exclaimed as he and Max drove by in their Desoto.

"Keep the car steady, Sam! I don't think I can risk hitting any more cosplayers!" Max replied.

"Why not?! You've already got negative-30 points! Ooh, and remember- if you hit them through the skull and it comes out between their eyes, it still counts as a regular point, unless they're falling off a building then it's a bonus!"

"MOVE YE FOOLISH PEDESTRIANS!"

Tracker and FF2 looked at each other, then quickly pursued.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

 **10:34**

WG, still in a bunny costume, sat between Swaine, still half-decent, and Puggsy… who for some reason was missing his pants. "...What exactly…?" WG began to ask.

"Had to pay the cab driver, had no money, he wanted my pants, it's been a long night shut up," Puggsy snapped.

WG looked at Swaine. "…Well, at least my night's getting better,"

"I swear, if you make this weird, I am pushing you out of the cab, while it's still moving, as we go over a bridge!" Swaine warned.

"Hey, I understand it's been a crazy night for all of us!" WG then looked at each of them. "…and it doesn't help that it looks like we're preparing for a hentai-"

"STOP THE CAB!"

The cab-driver pulled over and Swaine shoved WG out.

"Oh c'mon it was a joke! Guys! GUYS!" WG begged but the cab only drove off.

"You do realize she's going to make us suffer in fan-fiction for this, right?" Puggsy commented.

"…worse than NOW?" Swaine demanded.

Puggsy paused. "Point taken."

The cab then stopped. "Alright here's your stop," the driver said.

"What?! But there ain't any hotels on this street!"

"Too bad. This is as far as a pair of pants will get you!"

The duo groaned, then walked out. "…c'mon, my apartment is three blocks down. Ya can't afford a hotel until you get your things back, anyhow,"

"…Next vacation I'm staying home," Swaine griped.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

 **11:07 PM**

Hater stormed up to ATF… who was pretty drunk at the moment. "ANTI!" he snarled.

"Gah! …what the…?" ATF yelped.

"Where's Fanatic?!"

"Um… I think he's in the city,"

"WHERE in the city?!"

"…I dunno,"

Hater gave a deadpanned expression. "Anti?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you sitting on an unconscious man dressed as a rabbit?"

ATF looked at Dan… who got roughed up by an angry Mall Santa and was unconscious. "Not gonna lie… I thought he was a bean-bag chair,"

WG then came running over. "Hey, Anti… hey Hater… hey, there isn't an angry mob running around here, is there?"

"WG!" Hater growled, grabbing the authoress. "Where are they?!"

"Well if you're talking about one of the unfortunate characters in this story, I can tell you that Swaine and Puggsy are taking a taxi cab somewhere down Main Street,"

"DOES IT LOOK… LIKE I GIVE A FUCK… WHERE PUGGSY IS?!"

"In that case, I have no idea where 'they' are. Now let go of me!"

Hater tightened his grip on her throat. "I think I'll use your body as a message to Fan-"

"Uuuugggh, stop YELLING! I'VE GOT A HEADACHE!" Dan shouted, coming to… and seeing ATF on his lap. "And who put a kid on my lap?!"

"He did!" ATF exclaimed, pointing at Hater… while smiling and having his tongue hanging out.

Dan pushed ATF off him. "Why'd you put a kid on me, you weird space-freak?!" he sneered at the robot.

Hater arched an eyebrow.

"He thinks robots are from space," WG told him.

"Robots are from space!" Dan sneered.

 _Dammit, he knows!_ Hater thought.

"Dammit, I know!" Dan repeated.

"I'm from Nebraska!" ATF slurred.

"Hey, guys, what's up okay gotta go!" Fanatic exclaimed as he ran by. "You guys better run too!"

"Wha-" Dan began to question.

*BAM!*

Hater, WG, and Dan got slammed by the Desoto, trapped on the hood of the car. "Dammit, I can't see!" Sam griped. "Max, clean off the windshield, would ya?!"

"Naturally!" Max exclaimed, climbing out and kicking Hater off!

"DAMNYOU!" Hater shouted as he was kicked off, plummeting towards the ground.

Just then the angry mob came running up to Tracker, FF2, and Fanatic. "Alright! Where's that sorry excuse for a song-writer that was given permission to make our ears bleed?!" One of the mobsters demanded.

"What makes you think we'd tell you?" Tracker challenged.

"For one thing we want to make sure she suffers for her work- mostly because it was so bad that we all nearly holy crap a FALLING ROBOT!"

*CRASH!*

*BOOM!*

Hater landed in the middle of the mob, causing such an impact that it blew them all back!

"Hater? Are you still alive?! We still need you for the movie and Season 3!" Fanatic gasped, looking at Hater.

"…pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows…" Hater groaned.

Back on the Desoto, Dan was struggling with WG and Max. "Back off, you creeps and let me off this crazy bandwagon!" Dan demanded.

"Stop shoving before I choke you with your own ears!" WG snarled.

"C'mon, guys, put up a better fight, you're embarrassing me!" Max whined.

"Um, I hate to spoil the fun, but we're about to take a detour!" Sam shouted, pointing ahead.

WG, Dan, and Max looked, seeing that the airborne car was heading straight for an amusement park. "YIKES! HANG ON, IT'S GONNA BE A BUMPY RIDE!" WG screamed.

The car landed on the tracks of a roller-coaster, where it did several loop-de-loops before zipping off the tracks in the direction it had come from… only now soaring upside-down and about to it the others!

*CRASH!*

*BOOM!*

*AGAIN!*

Once the smoke cleared, Sam and Max surveyed the damage. FF2, Tracker, WG, Fanatic, Hater, and Dan lied sprawled on the ground. Swaine and Puggsy were watching from the sidelines. "Holy shit… is New Year's Eve ALWAYS like this around here?!" Swaine asked Puggsy.

"…only with these guys around," Puggsy sighed.

Several more squad-cars pulled up. "Bring 'em all in, boys!" The chief of police ordered.

"For what charges?!" WG demanded.

"Destruction of property, stealing bunny costumes, mindless violence without a permit, using material from those None Piece videos on Youtube, writing a horrible musical, and some guy claimed a guy in a bunny-costumed blew up his apartment!"

"That was this one!" Dan said quickly, pointing at WG, who kicked him. "Agh!"

"H-hey! Wait! Why are we getting hauled in?!" Puggsy demanded as the cops slapped a pair of cuffs on him and Swaine.

"Indecent exposure,"

"Oh c'mon, we can explain! It was the fan-girls, I tells ya!"

"Jail again… shit my brother's going to be pissed," Swaine muttered.

"Hey, where's Anti?" WG asked as they were hauled away.

ATF lay on the concrete, passed out. Scoobycool9 walked over, and sighed. "MISTER C! I FOUND HIM!" he shouted. He shook his head. "Eeevery New Year's Eve…"

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

 _Present Time_

Safe to say, everyone went home after a long, horrible night.

WG never wrote song-lyrics again, ATF made a resolution not to drink [too much] next year, Hater went on Dan's list, and the evil robot decided to work on his saber-skills.

Swaine went home on the next flight, claiming next time he was going to hire a bodyguard and tour-guide, and Puggsy never got a tip, nor any spoilers for the Ni No Kuni sequel.

The moral of the story…

Never drink too much coffee or you'll have crack-dreams that result to this.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

 **HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!**

… **lets hope it'll e better than this XD**


End file.
